Not the Beginning. . . But the Beginning Part 1
See... my story has a strange origin and, trust me, there is a huge massive amount of drama on the backend of it all.
But let's just say I went into my new school year (I'm a teacher) with a whole new perspective. There is a such a dark history to where I come from, that I knew something needed to change. I always get flack for sharing my past, but I'll trim it down to the basics for some clarity and foundation for where I'm coming from.
The darkness set in fully in 2009. I had been engaging in an ongoing battle with my PhD advisor at the University of Edinburgh. It wasn't going well and my research wasn't respected by this person. So in May of 2009, I dropped the pursuit of my PhD. I had already spent 2 1/2 years researching and compiling and writing, but that was all over now. The School of Divinity couldn't pick me up for my PhD work, but they wanted to work with me as a second Master's option. I was going to do it, until in June, I received a 2AM phone call from my mom back in Wisconsin.
My father had died. 59. Aneurysm.
He had already been having a rough year after a stroke during a heart surgery. Essentially, my dad was a Type-1 Diabetic and the surgical team made him fast for too long and his body went into shock during surgery. That's drama not relevant to here, because, in the end, my father didn't make it to his 60th birthday. My life had only just started to come together and he was gone.
As I arranged to fly from Edinburgh to Milwaukee, I knew something was wrong with my grandfather and when I touched down in Milwaukee, I learned that my grandfather passed away from a seizure. My grandfather and I had been very, very close. His sudden death didn't seem to be a shock to many, as his health was fading. He was struggling with Alzheimer's. I was, though, completely crushed by the news.
Fast forward through all the family junk and funeral stuff and goodbyes and exhausting myself having to be the strong family member. The week after the funerals, my grandmother went into the doctor and it turned out she had a brain tumor and would opt out of having it operated on. I spent the rest of the summer in Northeastern Wisconsin with her. Additionally, I found out I was pregnant for the first time.
The summer was starting to come to a close and I needed to return to Edinburgh. My husband had flown back at the end of June, because he was needed back at his job. So I said goodbye to my grandmother and went back to Scotland. A few days later, I learned that my grandmother passed away and shortly after that, a doctor's appointment revealed that I was experiencing a miscarriage.
My world collapsed. My husband and I moved home to be with my mom and I tried to piece my life back together. Yes, yes... we all have hardships in life and we all deal with the darkness however we have to, but this is my story: no better or worse than your own.
Slowly I started to pull my life back together. Found out in November I was pregnant again on the day I took my PRAXIS I test to pursue my teaching certification. Gave birth to my daughter 3 weeks before starting the program. Two major life-changing events eternally linked together. Fast-forward to 2012 and I was hired to work in Northeastern Wisconsin.
Last year (2015) I was hit with another bombshell from my greatly decreased family. Not only had I been practically abandoned by my mom's side of the family, but all the moving around made it hard to hang on to friends. So with my mom being, technically, my last family member left, I was beyond devastated when she called me up and said she had Ovarian Cancer... Stage 2 or 3.
The day before my 4th year of teaching, my life was thrown into turmoil again. With support from my husband, I pushed through all of the overwhelming events, but not without being critically hit in the process.
I went to my own doctor and found out that I am also going through some of my own personal issues. I originally went to the doctor, because I couldn't understand what was so wrong with me. The diagnosis was social anxiety. So I spent the last year trying to work on me and find a good place for me mentally and emotionally.
Back to this new school year. . . I went in with a super positive attitude. I had colored my hair purple, Only took me 20 years to do. I was embracing my YOLO attitude. You don't lose like I had over those six years and go through so many life/death situations without adopting a somewhat... "you only live once" attitude. Carpe Diem! Live in the moment! I was a new person. I wanted to embrace the new me..... but there's more....
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